I’m having a hard time.
Quarantine has been very difficult for me. I know I’m lucky. I haven’t gotten sick and
no one close to me has died from the virus. But I don’t feel lucky at all.
Overnight I watched as nearly everything that brings me joy was taken away from me. I can’t see the people I care about. I can’t visit or hug my friends. Can’t play sports or even watch them.
I can’t touch a door knob without wondering if it’s lethal. No vacations, no weddings, no parties, no smiles.
I own a business and I watched my clients shut down one after another. In just a couple weeks I saw my income drop by 90%. It’s been stressful.
I’d built a good life for myself and then the bottom fell out. I got depressed. I am depressed.
Of course I want to feel better. Of course I want to be happy. I hate feeling this way. But I catch myself wondering if I’ll ever truly be happy again.
It sounds dramatic but those are the thoughts I’m fighting. Logically I know the lock-down won’t last forever. But knowing that doesn’t make the feeling go away.
I’m not sharing this for sympathy. I’m sharing this force myself to own these feelings and to not be embarrassed by them.
Whatever you feel, however you’re handling this (or any other) situation, there should be no shame.
If you’re struggling, you need no additional justification. And if you’re doing well, even if you’re thriving, that’s fine too.
The suffering comes when we judge ourselves. It comes when we hide our feelings from people, or think, “it could be worse so I’m not allowed to be upset.”
That’s not how it works. There is no suffering olympics. There is no measuring stick for how bad your life has to be before you’re allowed to cry about it.
I’m having a hard time and that’s ok. Whatever you’re having – that’s ok too.